


and you asked me: how do you feel when you're away

by aurelacs



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Oral Sex, Spit kink if you squint, no y/n, soft!Javi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:29:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23283283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurelacs/pseuds/aurelacs
Summary: You have to keep your relationship with Javi a secret and the consequences come to the surface.
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	and you asked me: how do you feel when you're away

You were tired. 

The clock on the far side of the restaurant continued to tick on without relief. Javier being late was guaranteed, decided in code between the two of you as you searched for a file and he pretended to not look directly at your ass the whole time. 

“This is a serious matter, Agent Peña,” you whispered harshly, trying to keep up with the charade.

Javi reached down and cupped your ass before squeezing it roughly. “So’s this.” You heard the door to the filing room click open and Javier sprung three rows down to keep his distance, eyes still on you, smiling. 

You were supposed to leave the DEA office on time, Javi ten minutes later. The same was said for arriving at the restaurant, but as the clock made its way past 7:20, you started to worry. Keeping your relationship under wraps wasn’t just to avoid one of you getting transferred (no inter-agent fraternization, but it was also to keep each other safe. If Escobar or one of his  _ sicarios _ got a hold of either of you, they wouldn’t be able to use the other as ammo. 

At least that was the plan. 

7:30 passed by and your worry grew to full on anxiety as you tried to resist getting up and pacing about the restaurant. It’s not like you could call anyone. Why were you so concerned about Javi? Why are you meeting him outside the office? You imagined yourself saying _because_ _he’s my fucking partner_ , but every time it came out you found yourself choking on the double entendre. A waiter walked by to offer you another glass of wine and you brushed him off. Your eyes darted to the door every other minute, disappointing yourself each time you did. Other patrons had begun to notice. Their looks of pity angered you. This wasn’t your date standing you up. This was your date potentially being killed by Pablo Escobar and you didn’t know. You wouldn’t be able to help Javier. To stitch him up if a bullet pierced him. To cradle his head in your lap as he bled out and took his final breaths with you screaming for help. 

“Honey?”

You bolted up from your seat, and enveloped yourself in him. You took him in like this time would be the last. His smell: a mixture of tobacco and the leather of his jacket. The salt of his sweat. The overwhelming, furnace-like heat of his touch, made worse by the Colombian heat. He gripped onto you as hard as you gripped him without knowing why. 

You sobbed as you wiped away tears you hadn’t realized had fallen. “I thought you were hurt or someone got you or-“

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he cooed. “Messina wouldn’t shut up.” Javier cupped his face in his hands and kissed your forehead. “I’m here now. I’m fine.” The eyes of the other patrons bore into your back as the scene progressed but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. He didn’t let you go until you had settled and your fears had dried. It felt foolish to make such a fuss over him. You had to monitor how much eye contact you made at your desks, watch how you spoke, take different routes back to the same apartment. What would you have done had he not shown? You worked to push the thought out of your mind. You didn’t want to have dinner anymore; the allure of going home and existing quietly with Javi felt far more appealing, but he insisted on staying. Something about how this is the first time he’s had “real food” in a month. 

It continued to creep. It would trail along other thoughts you had like a shadow, refusing to let go even in the light. His fingers absentmindedly playing with yours.  _ You could’ve lost him today.  _ The way his eyes crinkled at a joke you told.  _ Who knows how many more times you’ll be able to make him laugh.  _ The perfect stillness of the hour you’ve been together tonight, how you were both letting everything fall to the wayside. How there was no Pablo, no DEA, no cocaine empires to topple. _ You can’t keep this up.  _ They all bubbled, one after the other, fighting for importance, to be the one that cracked you open on the table in front of everyone.

You could barely choke out an excuse as you bolted to the bathroom. The cool tile dug into your hands as you use the sink to steady yourself. Tears streamed your face. Images forced their way into your head of Javi sprawled on the ground, blood pooling beneath him. Of Javi, cradling you in his arms, limp as a rag doll. It was all too much, too overwhelming and raw and real, like you could feel the blood running down your fingers, the beating of your heart coming to its end. A surge of anger raced up your chest.  _ You’re a fucking DEA agent _ . A grown-ass adult that has had guns pointed at you, American and Colombian government officials scream at you, been stressed to the point that you would wake up with small clumps of your hair on your pillow. Yet the thought of losing Javier is what made you break. The numbness in your chest grew further when you finally grounded yourself and remembered where you were. At a restaurant. With Javi. On the first night off the two of you had had in months. This took so long to plan. You were so meticulous; making sure the requests were sent to Messina at different intervals that you felt wouldn’t tip her off. Javi even decided to be so bold as to request the day after off as well. You hoped to God she hadn’t noticed. 

You rubbed the heels of your palms into your eyes until flashing lights filled your vision. Javier was waiting as you left the bathroom.

“We’re leaving,” he said firmly, face clouded with worry. 

“No, Javi, please. I’m alright.”

“You’re not.” 

“I fucking said I’m fine.” You pushed past him back to your table.

“I already paid.” Javier took you by the arm, not hard enough to hurt, but firm enough to know that he wasn’t in the mood to play around. He walked you to your car. “Promise me you’ll meet me back at my place?” He reached out and brushed away a tear that still clung to your cheekbone. You sighed heavily and nodded. He didn’t give you the chance to apologize for snapping at him as he turned on his heel to make his way to his truck. It all weighed heavy, the frustration and anger stewing within you. You almost contemplated going home, wanting to let him feel what you went through. In that moment, for the faintest of seconds, you entertained the thought that you didn’t care. That maybe you could go home, let your phone ring off the hook as you drunk yourself into a stupor before wobbling into work two days later with the worst hangover. You almost let it happen, had you not already turned down the road that led to Javi’s apartment. At this point it was instinct, a natural reaction to seeing the street sign with a ribbon tied around it, mourning the one of thousands already lost. 

You made your way into his apartment. Javi was already settled on his couch, smoking a cigarette.

“Do you wanna talk about what happened back there,” he said.

“Not really.” You took off your shoes and walked over to his kitchen to grab yourself a beer. 

“I want to help but I can’t if you don’t talk to me.”

You leaned against the threshold, downing as much of the beer as you could in one go. “I don’t need help.” 

You wanted, desperately, for the statement to be true. You didn’t need help as much as you did. You didn’t care as deeply as you did. For all intents and purposes, Javi was your boyfriend, but admitting anything further felt like a kind of betrayal to the person you were. It was like actually saying the word out loud was conceding defeat. There wasn’t even a guarantee that this would last outside of Colombia, so why try to make this more than it needs to be? Why acknowledge the fact that your relationship had grown past the definition of what the two of you had chosen?

“I’d love to believe you but I think we both know that’s not true.” 

“It is the truth.” You took another swig of beer, keeping the mouth close to your lips.

“We’ve been partners for how long? I’ve never seen you act like that.” The concern muddled his face. It aged him, making the wrinkles in his forehead deeper, his eyebrows furrowing at your nonchalance. Your silence only pushed him further.

“You’re giving me nothing, baby. I just want to know what’s wrong.” 

“I fucking love you, okay? That’s what’s wrong. I love you so fucking much and I hate having to hide this. And I was so, so worried when you were late. I couldn’t call anyone. I couldn’t tell anyone what was wrong. I thought I lost you and I couldn’t stop thinking about losing you. I don’t- I can’t lose you.” You crumbled next to him. The heat of embarrassment spread up your chest and onto your face. “And I fucking hate crying.” Javi sat up next to you and cradled you in his arms. He buried his face in your hair and kissed the top of your head. 

“Alright,” he said after you had settled once more.

“Alright what?”

“Fuck the DEA. We can disclose next time we’re in and then I can bend you over my-“

  
“You’re fucking incredible.” Javi grabbed your hand as you tried to get up to leave.

“I’m sorry,” he laughed. He apologized again when he saw that you weren’t keen on the joke. He pressed his forehead against yours and closed his eyes. The two of you sat quietly, taking each other in.

He leaned in and kissed you slowly. “I love you, too,” he whispered against your lips. Static blossomed up your chest. Javi held you even closer into him until it felt like he was trying to pull you into him. Your worries and fears rushed out of you, cascading against his lips. He hushed you and rubbed circles into your back.

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

It was a promise you knew neither of you could make, but the reassurance it gave you sent a thrill up your spine. He tasted sweeter with the words hanging on his tongue, a hand threading up your hair to cup the back of your head. It all felt different. It was a knot, hard wound and almost breaking from the pressure, finally coming undone. Javi pulled away, running his hands down your arms and ushering you up off the couch. He found your mouth again, the kiss possessing an underlying feeling of urgency and want. You moaned as his tongue brushed against yours. 

Javi led you gently to his room and backed you up slowly until your legs came into contact with his bed. He kissed you, inching himself forward to push you back further until you were flush against it. You hummed as he dragged a hand down your body, gripping one of your hips. He pulled away from your kiss and you whined lightly from the loss. 

“Patience, angel.”

Javi kissed your cheek, your jaw, down your throat until he reached your collarbone. Wordlessly, he trailed the straps of your dress off your shoulder to expose your breasts. He teased, kissing on your breast and around your nipple before taking it in his mouth, his tongue slowly tracing circles around your peak. The sensation struck you down into your core and your nails dug into his arm as you writhed beneath him. He continued to kiss slowly down your body, taking your dress along with him. By the time he reached your mound, you were begging for release, your black, lace panties soaked from his taunting. 

“Are these for me?” He smiled devilishly. You could only nod. Javi gently pulled them off of you and stuffed them in his back pocket. He kissed the insides of your thighs, teasing you even further until you were practically shoving your hips into his face. You watched as he took his hands and pinned your hips to the bed, his fingers reaching so far across your burning skin. Javi kissed down your cunt, careful not to spread your lips or brush your clit. Every time you tried to thrust your hips, he pushed down further, refusing to budge. 

Your cries echoed through the apartment when he finally took his tongue and ran in up your center. He took his time, running his tongue up you and flicking it slightly as he reached your clit. 

“You taste so fucking good, baby,” he moaned against you. “I hate every second my mouth isn’t on your pussy.” Javi continued working your cunt with his mouth and tongue, eventually adding two thick fingers to hook against your g-spot. You ran your fingers through his hair, gripping as hard as you could and pushing his face deeper into you. The feeling overtook you, emptying your mind until it was nothing but  _ Javi, Javi, Javi _ -

“Not yet.” Javi pulled away right as you were about to climax. You cried out desperately, your body aflame and trembling.

“I hate you,” you said.

“No, you don’t,” he smirked. He stood up and began to unbutton his shirt. You hungrily watched. He chose to keep the windows open in a vain attempt to cool the apartment down in the heat. His skin shone with sweat as he threw it to the wayside. You licked your lips as he took off his pants, his cock straining from how hard he was. Javi crawled back on top of you, drawing you up into another kiss. You sighed into it as you tasted yourself and felt the slight moisture on his mustache. He pulled away, one hand holding your chin, forcing you to look him in the eye. The other held his cock steady between the two of you.

“Spit.” His voice was hoarse with lust as he said it. You did as he said, a trail of saliva leaving your lips and making its way onto his cock. He took his thumb and wiped away what remained on your bottom lip before rubbing it over himself, not breaking eye contact. You instinctively laid back once more and Javi hooked your knees over his shoulders, pushing your thighs against your chest. He kissed your ankle before sinking into you slowly. He waited, letting you take the time to adjust to the feeling of him filling you up. You nodded when you were ready and he began to push into you slowly. Javi reached down and began to rub your clit in time with him. Slowly at first and gradually picking up the pace, letting your moans speak for the both of you. You could barely breathe as his thrusts knocked the wind out of your lungs. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathed in your ear. He nipped at your earlobe, his tongue following his teeth to soothe the small bite. You grabbed onto his hair to rear his head back and expose his neck. You sucked a small mark by his Adam’s apple and his hips stuttered from the distraction. Javi changed his tempo. He removed your legs from your shoulders, letting you wrap them around his waist. He snapped his hips into you and you cried out. Tears began to pool in your eyes as your orgasm began to build in the pit of your stomach. 

“Please,” you begged. “Don’t stop.”

Javi pulled you up so you were sitting on his lap. You gripped his back, your nails dragging down his skin. You ground your hips against him and brought one of your hands between you to continue working your clit. All you could manage as you came was a breathless moan. You fell back, breaking your rhythm with Javi as he kept fucking you through your climax, the overstimulation making you breathless. 

Javi buried his face in the crook of your neck, spilling himself on your stomach and chest. He collapsed on top of you. He wrapped his arms around you, turning you on your side so you were face to face. He kissed you softly, sweetly, filling your head once more with just thoughts of  _ him _ . 

“I’ll never leave you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> title from "Dizzy on the Comedown" by Turnover.  
> I also posted this fic on my tumblr: https://taxidermists.tumblr.com/post/613406328482938880/


End file.
